The Police Officer and the Blow Job


She was my best friend from high school; the wild one, far from the best student, the first to lose her virginity and always dating guys from “the wrong side of the tracks”. We went to college together but she never finished. We remained close, sharing secrets, traveling together and being ridiculously silly. On one such night she talked me into going to some club 45 minutes from her home. It was usually easier to say okay then to decline her invitations. I had an okay time but just as the night was coming to a close she took me to a hole in the wall for pizza. (This friend ALWAYS knew where to find the best food even thousands of miles away). I will never forget the pizza I had that night. I never knew there was such a thing – lasagna pizza. Loaded with meat and spaghetti, it was heavenly after a late night of drinking.

Lasagna-Pizza-3-from-willcookforsmiles.com_We got back in her car and she began the long drive home. I felt sorry for her. I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was doze off but I wouldn’t do that to a friend. I stayed awake and chatted away about ridiculous things. I cracked the windows open and blasted Bon Jovi to keep her alert. The roads were dark and empty which made it even worse. We were flying down the highway when we saw the lights. We hadn’t heard the sirens with the music blasting. Fuck.

“Be cool.” said my friend.57279095

Be cool? I immediately turned off the radio, adjusted my seat belt, slapped my face and sat up straight. My friend rolled down the driver’s window.

“Good evening, Ma’am”


Hi? Ugh doesn’t she know any better? I leaned forward and peered up to the officer and cheerily said, “Good evening, Sir.” with a sweet smile hoping he would forgive my girlfriends lack of respect.

“License and registration, please.”

She handed over the papers without a word.

“Have you ladies been drinking this evening?”

“No, we were at a baby shower,” replied my friend.

A baby shower? It was after 3:00am. I could see him glance over at my sheer black hose and stiletto pumps. My dress was so short and tight it was bunched up under my ass. The police officer looked annoyed.

“Did you know that your rear headlight is out and you were doing 78 in a 55 mile zone. I’m going to have to give you a ticket?”

maxresdefault“Sir, can’t we just make this all go away?”

I wondered what in god names my girlfriend was up too now. Didnt she know how to speak to a police officer? Didnt she know bribery was  against the law?!

“If I give you a blow job can we just forget about everything.”

Fuck! We’re going to jail tonight is all I could think. Why did I agree to go out with this nut job? Would I be in trouble by association? My mother always warned me about that as a kid. I was sobering up real fast as I wondered who my one call should be to once I was behind bars. Did I know any lawyers? I sat back in my seat. I wasn’t getting involved in this situation. I would plead innocent because I was.

And then my friend said,”Jimmy it’s me, Carey Masterson, from high school.”

They had a good chuckle while I had a small heart attack.