Men Have Bad Dates Too

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the_deadI compared dating notes with a gentleman today. It’s not something I often do because I feel like we’ll become friends instead of each others potential love interests. I have enough friends! I was slightly curious about what this particular man was experiencing so I listened with interest. His three most recent dates, all of which were fix ups, went like this:

DATE #1 She was attractive and things were going pretty well over dinner when she said, “I just want you to know that I communicate with the dead. Your mom, dad and extended family are all here with you. Right now. I can see them.” She wanted to know if he was okay with that because she was working on a book about the subject. He asked if her ex-husband had been on board with the whole speaking to the dead thing. Her reply, “Of course, all three of my husbands were!”4ebe66c0d842e2ca174cf0c975774e55

DATE #2 This too was a blind date but he did see several lovely photos of his date first. She was attractive with unusually long dark hair. He was surprised that a middle age woman would have such beautiful, long, luscious hair He was mesmerized by her photo and really excited about meeting her. He selected an especially romantic place for their date. He sat at the bar anxiously waiting for her arrival. When she finally appeared she looked very different. She had a crew cut. His first reaction was to think she was ill. She claimed she was in good health but had been hounded for years by Locks of Love. She finally caved in and donated her waist long hair.

3848652611_man_behind_Prison_Bars_answer_2_xlargeDATE #3 His third most recent date was going swimmingly when his companion mentioned her ex-husband had been a psychiatrist. He was surprised their mutual friend hadn’t mentioned she was a widow.“I’m sorry. I didn’t know your husband passed away?”

“Oh, no, no, no. He’s alive and well. He just lost his license when he raped a patient.”

His jaw dropped open. She continued, “He was arrested and went to jailed. That’s when I divorced him. When he got out he did it again just two weeks later. I’m surprised you didn’t see it in the news.” 

And I thought I had it tough! We decided between all of our bad, werid and wacko dates combined we should have dinner. The fact that my ex-husband is not a felon, I have a full head long blond hair and I don’t speak to the dead will surely help. Who knows, we may just hit it off…

Noble Loser

 

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He called from Paris and Riyadh. He Skyped me from Dubai. He really wanted to meet me. Although exhausted and jet lagged he rallied the evening he arrived back home. I was Match.com date #28 for him. According to him, each of the 27 before me all wanted to be in a relationship with him but he wasn’t interested. I didn’t tell him that he was date number #82 for me.

He was attractive, well dressed, (great jeans!) very fit, super smart – in a Big Bang Theory kind of way. He spent a lot of time traveling to the CDC, the NIH, lectured all over the world and had both an office at a prestigious university and one in his impressive home. He ate well, exercised and swam daily. I like a smart man, an educated man, a well-traveled man and staying fit is very important to me too. Not that I keep a list of what I wanted or anything but this guy was check, check, check and there was chemistry. Ah, the illusive chemistry we all seek!

While we looked over the menu. He told me, “I will not eat Octopus. They are one of the most intelligent animals on the planet. It would be like eating a human.” I don’t eat octopus so that didn’t bother me. Then he told me both of his parents were psycho-analysts but “I’m very normal” Every person I ever met who had a shrink for a parent was a mess, this guy had two parents who were shrinks! Red flag? I hoped he was the exception to the rule.

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As we ate he told me about his work. He casually dropped into the conversation that he had hoped he would have won a Nobel Prize by now. He mentioned it again a few minutes later. “I get the feeling it’s still bothering you,” I nudged him in a caring manner the way a therapist might. His response, “I’m not political. I could never win.”

Hmmm… Doesn’t do well with disappointment. Thinks he’s smarter than past recipients. Places blame on others. Red flag number two?

I let it slide because I was enjoying my dinner and the lovely bottle of french wine when he asked, “Would you be able to eat sheep eyes?”

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“Sheep’s eye? No, never. I don’t even eat lamb. Why?”

“When I’m in Riyadh if I brought you to dinner you would have to. It’s considered an honor. You cannot insult people… especially people I work with.”

Had I just failed his test? I sat there quietly for a moment and wondered would I be able to eat a sheep eye. I didn’t eat lamb because sheep are so cute. My diet is 90% vegetables and spicy food kills me.

As the date came to a close, the world-famous doctor/researcher I was sitting hip to help with said, “Don’t call me tomorrow. I want you to think over what we talked about tonight. Wait a few days. Think if you could really be in a relationship with me. You know what I have to offer.”

I never called.  BAZINGA!

The Big Bang Theory is on CBS on Thursdays at 8PM EST

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