Show Us Your Penis

Here’s a Monday laugh for you! Thanks College Humor.

The Great (Republican) Debate – Who Would You Sleep With?


It’s been said that the most attractive candidates really do pick up more votes. Elections and beauty contests have a lot more in common than Donald Trump – in both the more attractive you are the more likely you are to win. According to new British research, how good-looking a candidate is can make all the difference when it comes to winning or losing a seat. Researchers found in those seats the most attractive candidate wins nearly three-quarters of the time. Dr Caitlin Milazzo, a lecturer in politics at Exeter, said choosing attractive candidates could give a party the “edge”. “While our findings certainly do not indicate that unattractive candidates are unelectable, they do suggest that an attractiveness “advantage” may come into play. Based on tonight’s prime time debate (on Fox News) which included the top 10 candidates who do you think would win? Here’s what I’m thinking about each candidate…


  • Donald Trump: Between his tiny mouth reminiscent of an anus, his floppy head of fuzzy, troll like hair and his disgusting personality. What woman would want to sleep with that chauvinistic pig. While married to Ivana he cheated with Marla, while married to Marla he cheated with his current wife Melania. Funny thing, when he was married to Bride #2 (Marla Maples who had a child out-of-wedlock) she lived at Trump Parc (106 Central Park South) while he lived in Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue. What kind of married couple live blocks away? One who only married someone in name because she was pregnant and he’s “Christian”. He is a slime bucket. Everything is a facade with this guy. There goes the reason “totally absorbed at work/business” just like Newt Gingrich who said he cheated because he was a patriot. Naturally, Trump came to visit Marla for his bi-weekly booty calls and to drop Marla off after a weekend away at Mar-a-Lago. He always looked like he needed a shower, dandruff on his shoulders and his hair a mess. I know this because I lived there too along with OJ and Nicole, Larry Hagman  (my next door neighbor), Jackie Mason and LaToya Jackson until she ran in the middle of the night without paying several months of rent.
  • 222486-jeb-bushJeb Bush: I have to say his likeability factor goes way up when he speaks spanish. Love that passion! When he stops, he fizzles.
  • Scott Walker: He’s getting some buzz, but does he look the part? He always seems to have his fingers in the air. He  reminds me of a grown up frat boy. Forget about him.
  • Marco Rubio: Ditto. Another finger pointer. He looks too young to run for president. Too young for me to even consider a date with him.
  • Mike Huckabee: He might have been the best performer in the 2007-2008 debate but I have never heard another woman think he was remotely handsome, sexy or charming. Forget it. Not a chance.
  • 467343708Ted Cruz: Why does this man always look like he’s about to cry? Who wants to sleep with a cry baby? Not at all sexy! Get a new face Ted.
  • Ben Carson: Neurosurgeon? Need I say more. He looks like he belongs on a soap opera not in the White House! I don’t think his bedside manner is going to help in this situation although he looks okay in his scrubs.



  • Chris Christie: I will not date any man who is overweight -this dude is still morbidly obese even after getting his stomach stapled. Who would I never date anyone obese? If someone is so large there is a problem, whether health or emotional. We don’t need that in the White House, the job is hard enough without the President having addiction issues.
  • John Kasich looks like an old rag doll. Not a chance.
  • Rand Paul: Make no mistake he’s trying his hardest but what’s going on with his hair? He seems to be dying the top but not the sides. Is he going for a “natural” look? Epic fail.
  • To tell you the truth, I’d rather have an orgy with Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden. Hillary could call the shots, Bernie would be very fair to all involved and we all know how touchy feely Biden is. Could be fun…