It’s Made From Horse Urine

 

acl_smiths11It’s amazing when we share with women what kind of feedback we get.  I love opinions when I’m asking for them, not so much when I want to be blissfully unaware of another person’s maybe not so good experiences. When I left my new gynecologist’s office with a prescription in hand for Premarin Cream I nearly skipped to the pharmacy. The hope of restoring my vagina to a more youthful version of days gone past was enough to make me smile from ear to ear. Then I told my girlfriends.

“It’s made from horse urine. How gross is that?”

“The smell is so bad you’re entire home will stink.”

“It gave me cramps.”

“I gained weight when I was using it.”

“It made me bleed. Oh, wait, that was Premarin PILLS.”

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That really put a damper on things. Especially the horse urine comment. It’s funny that I had been making jokes about getting back on the horse and now there would be some parts of a horse inside my vagina. How ironic. And gross. I thought my girlfriends would cheer me on and be proud of me that I was trying to get back in the saddle. Somehow it seemed they were discouraging me instead. Why do some women do that?

I picked up the prescription and decided I was going to be the lucky one. I could open a window or light a candle if there was an odor. I wouldn’t mind a few extra pounds, especially if they want to my breasts or my ass. I even made peace with the horse pee – for god’s sake everyone knows urine is sterile! I prayed I wouldn’t get cramps. I’m going to be the lucky one this time!

I got home and sniffed the cream. NOTHING horsey or pee like at all. As a matter of fact there was no odor whatsoever. What the hell was she talking about?

I’ll let you now what happens.

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The Lonely Yoni

I have a few other tricks up my sleeve while I wait the 12 weeks for the Premarin to kick in. My dear friend Tatiana had been telling me about classes she iss teaching and workshops she is hosting. They were for women — not specifically menopausal women, or even women in my age group, but I was curious. It was time to give her a call and see if she could help out.

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I’ve done yoga before with Rodney Yee and I’ve sweat with Bikram. (Interestingly enough both Yee and Bikram have been accused of sexual misconduct). I’ve had acupuncture. acupressure, reiki, Jin shin jyutsu, I have a mantra from the same guru as Elizabeth
Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame.

So I’ve tried all kinds of things to get my life in order to manage anxiety anger health matters of the heart but I’ve never seen/consulted with anyone (other than my doctors) regarding matters of my vagina There’s a first time for everything!! I was excited and nervous and anxious that she would immediately notice my repressed and “in recovery Catholic girl” sexual energy or in my case, lack of sexual energy. This should be interesting to say the least,

Tatiana, the Love Gypsy, walked through the door of her studio. She is beautiful with a mane of wild black hair.  She resembles a young Penelope Cruz or Salma Hayek (see photo above). She exudes sexuality and feminine energy.  It seeps from every pore of her lovely body.  Although quite a bit shorter than myself, I immediately felt intimated by this beauty until she spoke.  She was kind and friendly and put me at ease all at once.  I knew I was in the right place and she could help.

Tatiana believes that every women, at any age, has the capacity to embody her femininity and awaken her sexual power.  She believes women deserve to feel confident, loved, and comfortable in her sexuality.  She leads women through a journey of self discovery and healing where you will learn how to active your inner goddess within.  You will learn how to connect deeply to your body and feel empowered with your sexuality.  She promises, if you truly desire to open yourself up to life, you have to be open to deeper levels of connection, intimacy and consciousness in yourself.

Tatiana’s workshops and classes are designed specifically to awaken you gradually and effortlessly.  The sensual awakening series combines dance movement with tantra yoga, pelvic floor techniques, breath-work, and gentle touch.  These sessions are designed to open and activate the energy center’s in the body.  Tatiana will teach you how to activate and direct your own sexual energy, so you can create and manifest your desires into reality.  Her workshops will allow you to develop a deep connection with yourself so you can become integrated emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.  You will not only experience a deep connection with your own self but you will then be able to deeply connect with others. When your creative sexual energy has been ignited, you will feel new energy sensations flowing through you.  The more you practice these techniques, the faster you will find your energy becoming integrated and aligned.

I was ready to begin my journey. Come join me!

Tatiana Dellepiane

http://www.sensualawakeningmovement.com

thelovegypsy@facebook.com

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Menopause. Let’s Start the Conversation…

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I went to a new gynecologist today. I’ve traded in my senior citizen, Harvard trained Dr. Jew (I am not being disrespectful this is his name and no, he’s not Jewish) for a 30ish female this time. I told her why I was there from the get go. Who has time to waste? Since no one seems to be talking, let me share the deal and hopefully help you get a conversation started with your doctor. I shared with her my story of a Booty call gone awry. (See my previous post http://worldssmallestvagina.com/2015/05/07/dinner-and-a-booty/)

The conversation went pretty much like this:

“Any questions or concerns?”

“I had, or rather attempted, to have intercourse and the guy said, “it feels like there’s a bone in there.”

I told her about the pain, the dryness, my shrinking vagina and all about the disastrous booty call with my old flame. I had no shame. I was there to be helped.She was a good audience and laughed along with me (even though the story is pathetic and sad) and she considered what would be the best bet for me and my vag. (pronounced Vadge –rhymes with Madge)

“Oh, I’m sorry. What have you tried so far?”

I told her about my former doctor and his recommendation to get a dildo. (See link here. http://worldssmallestvagina.com/2015/10/22/the-d-word/ )
“I’m thinking an estrogen cream will help. The creams, versus the pills, have a very low estrogen level. It’s not the same as HRT or the patch. The cream works locally on the vaginal tissue. They have such low systemic absorption that even woman with cancer can use estrogen creams after their treatments. A lot of the atrophy you’re experiencing is really from the decreased levels of estrogen. What you’re really experiencing is loss of the elasticity. The cream will treat the actual problem. Then you can try the dildo and the lubes and all of that. None of them are helping the actual issue. The estrogen cream will change the tissue so the dildo and the lube will actually help.”

I left with a script for a mammogram (although I read only today the American Medical Association has now changed recommendations and another for PREMARIN http://www.premarinvaginalcream.com. I thought my new doctor would have recommended Osphena since Patty is all over TV describing it’s miraculous benefits.

images-1Apparently, my situation and many other women…. It should be working really well in three months. So by New Years Eve or there after I should be ready to get back on the horse. That gives me a hard deadline, but one I can work with, to find an appropriate mate. I’ll be sure to tell you how the cream is working out as well as my search for a man. Stay tuned!logo

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with String

 

Hot Dogs on the GrillSo I followed the advice of my gynecologist (if you missed my post about him here’s the link http://worldssmallestvagina.com/2015/10/22/the-d-word/) I ordered both a dildo and a bottle of lube.

My parcel arrived! With a mix of excitement and anxiety I stared at the box and realized excitedly that the contents could be a game changer for me. Yet at the same time I was scared.  A working vagina would mean I was ready for sex again. Ready for sex again would men dating. Dating would mean I was ready to attempt to have a relationship. Relationships scared me. After a very ugly divorce and a very painful on-and-off boyfriend situation I was afraid. My heart could only take so much. I was brave in every other area of my life. Love was frightening.

Charm_f110x147_1421201154I opened the card board box that said CHARM 1 Dildo and had a graphic of the purple, hook shaped device on it. I looked it over and flexed it back and forth. It reminded me of a purple uncooked hot dog. Thinking of it as food made it seem a little friendlier. With visions of B-B-Qs and picnics I read the package: “Charm’s extended length offers extra inches for those who prefer a longer reach. Made from 100% recycled silicone. (I couldnt help woder what had been recylced to make this object I was planning on inserting into my very clean vagina). The thick oval-shaped base makes Charm compatible with a variety of harnesses” Huh??!!! Harness-compatible base? Oh, dear… what was I getting into here. ID-Glide-Lube-Water-Based-645oz_grandeUgh. Why couldn’t I just be “normal”?  I wish I smoked pot. Instead I poured myself a glass of wine and stared at my first dildo.

I put “Charm” aside and took out the bottle of personal lubricant. The bottle was larger than any shampoo or conditioner shampoo I had ever purchased. Is was more like the size of a bottle of bleach. It was time to do this! I put on CNN. I quickly learned that as much as I liked Anderson Cooper he wasn’t helpful. I turned him off and tried to turn myself on but even with a handfull of lube the pain was still there. It felt like I was trying to jam a hot dog into a key hole.

I tried again the next night after a bubble bath and a glass of wine. This time I put John Legend on my iPod. John sure beat Anderson in the sex appeal department but the pain remained. The task of trying to stretch out a menopausal atrophied vag (ryhmes with Madge as in Madonna) was more time consuming and annoying then going to the gym, doing the dishes by hand, or racking leaves.DSC_0480 I tried to be consistent. I wished Sex in the City was still on and one of the girls was struggling with menopause. Or maybe The View could have an segment, or Steve Harvey. Meredith Viera, or Dr..Oz. Better yet Martha Stewart. She was great with step-by-step directions, was the right age and was very confident but alas I was on my own. It made me angry that there wasn’t a service, like a phsyical therapist, but with an expertise in stretching.  Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow would know someone. She has experts for everything! When I realized how weird that would be I felt hopeless. I felt very alone and was convinced my sex life was over.  I was done. And then wouldn’t you know, the next day I met a handsome surgeon from one of the best cancer hospitals in the world. We hit it off. As soon as I got home from the date I dug out “Charm”. With my eye on the prize, the hunky oncologist, I could do this! Fantasizing about Dr. Hotness did nothing for the pain, it was the same. I was convinced I had not stretched anything.  It was time to step up my game.

The D Word

images-1I went to the gynecologist soon after my failed attempt at re-popping my cherry.

“Since you’re not big on medication I’d say the way to go is lubrication (here we go again) and get yourself a dildo.”

I stood there in the ritzy office with my Harvard educated gynecologist and he just said the “D” word. I nearly died.

“Is that really the only option? Isn’t there something else? Physical therapy? Acupuncture? A specialist you could refer me to?”

“That’s really it, unless you want to try medication.”

I shook my head no.

“So a dildo it is.”

I nodded with a tiny, awkward smile about the size of my shrinking (yes, they really do shrink) vagina.

I walked home with my head down. I had to do this. I had to stretch things out and get back in the game. Sex was always an important part of my life. If I didn’t do anything now it would only get harder or worse, I might never be able to have sex ever again if my vagina continued to shrink and atrophy. What a horrible thought!

I went straight to my laptop and did a Google search. I have to tell you as I sat there researching I felt sick to my stomach. I was upset with myself for letting this happen. Who hasn’t heard the phrase, if you don’t use it you lose it. I never thought it would happen to me! I was angry with my body for letting me down. It also made me realize that I was alone. Single. Unattached. I would have to handle this on my own. I wondered if I had a husband, a boyfriend, or a lover would they be willing to help me sort out the mess I was in. Why wasn’t I in a relationship? My thought ran wildly in the wrong direction. Focus. Let’s figure this out!

I typed in dildos for menopausal woman and hit the return key and there it was, “sex toys for the menopausal woman”.  http://www.bloomenjoyyourself.com/sex101/sex-toys-for-menopausal-women-starter-guide

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I cringed. I normally like shopping. Even online shopping… this wasn’t fun! I read the text:

“If you are post-menopausal, approaching menopause, or just over 50, you have come to the right place. Our sexologists have outlined a few tips to keep in mind when you are picking out sex toys after 50. Your body is changing (or has changed) in a way that is different from when you were 20 and that can influence your choice of toys.

1. Start with Lubricant

After 50 our bodies starts producing a little less moisture than before, and that includes our vaginas and vulva.  Lubrication makes everything that much more supple and pleasurable.

2. Use Supple Toys

Find toys that bend with you.  Aging tissues tends to become thinner and less elastic.  This change can be challenging, especially when a slight bump that used to go unnoticed or may even have been arousing before menopause, might now cause a jolt of pain or discomfort.  Toys made with silicone are an excellent choice as they are both body safe (no phthalates) and pliable.  And yet they are firm enough to give the toy structure without being too hard.  Make sure to choose toys with smooth edges.

3. Use a Dildo (at least now and then):

The vagina needs a work out too — being massaged, squeezed and contracted.  This stimulation will keep vaginal walls active and will ward against thinning and drying by bringing rich and nourishing blood flow to feed the tissue. If you are not having intercourse with a partner, a dildo is an ideal option. Or if your partner’s erection is not always there, a dildo is an idea choice.

4. Strong Vibrations:

As tissue wanes and blood flow decreases, so can our ability to feel sensation as we did before menopause. We may need more stimulation to get the same nerve endings to fire.  Vibrators ramp up the sensation, increasing the intensity of stimulation needed to achieve orgasm without tiring a hand (or tongue).keep-calm-and-buy-sex-toys-6

Keep in mind menopause is a time of change, which means what you are experiencing now may change again tomorrow or next year.  Adopt an attitude of “go with the flow.”

What a friendly and informative site! I felt way better than I did when I left my doctor’s office. I was not a freak. And I was not alone after all. So I did it! I ordered a lubricant and a dildo. I’ve got this. Update to follow. Soon?

 

 

Study from Down Under About Down There

 

girl-smoking-marijuana-weedWhat fun to wake up and find another news article about vaginas! This one is about a dry vagina and they sure as hell aren’t talking menopause. Do you smoke pot? If you’ve been having issues in the dryness department maybe that’s why. See below. Down below. As in my post NOT your vajayjay!

 

If you’re a lady and you smoke weed, you’re going to want to read this.

According to reports, your mouth isn’t the only thing drying out after lighting up: Smoking weed may actually dry out your vagina, too.

So much for stoner sex.

Scientists first noticed the link between marijuana usage and poor vaginal lubrication after surveying 8,650 Austrailian people in 2009.

While it’s discussed openly online, there aren’t many studies on the phenomenon — most likely because weed is still categorized as a Schedule I drug.

Dr. Julie Holland, author of “Moody Bitches: The Truth About The Drugs You’re Taking, The Sleep You’re Missing, The Sex You’re Not Having, and What’s Really Making You Crazy,” is one of the few to spend a significant amount of time researching marijuana’s effects on sexual health.

She recently sat down with VICE to discuss exactly why “cotton vagina,” as Urban Dictionary calls it, happens and, more importantly, how to avoid it.

Holland explains vaginal dryness is a side effect, “exactly like dry mouth… It’s the drying of the mucus membranes.”

She continues,

If you have had a strain that is giving you dry mouth, it will also make you more dry [down there].

She hypothesizes strains higher in THC will have more of a drying effect than strains higher in CBD. But she adds that external forces (such as birth control, which notoriously dries out the vagina) can exacerbate the problem.

However, she notes,

It’s variable, and it’s personal. Each person responds differently to pot and each strain acts differently.

Females who light up can try coconut oil as lube, which Holland says is “excellent,” but mostly, she suggests, “experiment[ing] a bit to find what works for you.”

That could mean smoking only one type of weed before sex, or not smoking at all — it varies for everybody.

Check out her entire interview here.

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Dinner and a Booty

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Photo credit: R. Umar Abbasi, NYC

“You need a good lubricant and you’ll be fine,” said my internist, dismissing both my issue and me. I prayed he was right.

Wanting to see if he was, I invited at old “friend” over to hang out for dinner and a movie. Well, that’s what I told him. Meanwhile I had a slightly different plan. Wanting to appear as appealing as possible, I pulled out all the plugs – I waxed, put on some make up, and had a mani-pedi. I even dug through my lingerie drawer and put on a little Calvin Klein number. Simple but with quite a bit of sex appeal. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard even thought I was. After dinner and some TV I practically covered myself in lubricant when we got down to things.

“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. Or maybe myself. It feels like there’s a bone in there.”

“No, no, no, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“You need to relax.” I took another swig of my Mojito. (Yes, I even made Mojitos.)

“Okay. Ready.” He tried again while I turned my face from him and gritted my teeth. I wished I smoked pot.

“I think I’m the wrong guy for this. I’m not into the rape fantasy.”

“Let’s keep trying. You’re a doctor. Don’t you have any tricks up your sleeve?”

“I’m a dentist.” Then there was a pause. “And I don’t carry my drill around.”

“Next time I’ll take a pain killer so I’m out of it,” I suggested.

“Hey, who do you think I  am, Bill Cosby? I want to make love to you when you’re conscious.”

I guess I should have been happy with the compliment but me hopes of popping my cherry, for the second time in my life, were quickly being smashed to smithereens.

“Listen, I’m happy with two out of three things. You put out a great spread and I watched some good TV. I don’t need to have sex every time I see you. Let’s just go to sleep.”

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Photo credit: R. Umar Abbasi, NYC

 

Thanks for stopping by

KgMRJWhether you’re a guy or a girl, young or old, came for a laugh, a cry, a little inspiration, or some education on what you have to look forward, you’re welcome just the same.

You’re probably asking yourself, why in god’s name is this blog called The V Word . I’m glad you asked…

So I was away on vacation, on a beautiful little, and very remote island, when I wound up in emergency surgery. Two days later I was on my deathbed as my body started to break down. I lost 20 pounds (much of this included my breasts and my ass) and then my hair began to fall out along with an assortment of other horrific things. Just about everything that I thought made me a woman was being taken away from me piece by piece as I withered in pain. It felt like a cruel joke. I didn’t realize that even more was about to be stripped from me. We’ll get to that in just a minute…

I’ve pretty much been in bed or resting since then; getting well, gaining back the weight, and celebrating as my hair grows in. What I haven’t been doing is getting it on. Truth be told, I wasn’t getting it on even before this happened! Bad break up with boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. At this point I feel like my vagina has closed up shop. It’s teeny tiny and tight like a steel trap. I don’t think I could get a ballpoint pen in there if I tried. Well, maybe a ball point. Or a Sharpie. But definitely not a Super tampon. Add Menopause to the mix and my nether region is a natural disaster with the climate of the Sahara desert.

Please join me as I chronicle my adventures and figure out this sad, little situation. Please cheer me along as I investigate options to keeping everything down below fit and fabulous. I’ll talk with nutritionists, doctors, sex therapists, natural practitioners, along with some other fun and interesting folks. Please send me some feedback or advice as I re-enter the dating world. I want to hear what you have to say! I’m open to all of it. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter – see below – where we can continue the conversation or start new ones.

I hope by sharing my story I will encourage other women to keep on using their vaginas or to get back on the horse along with me. Remember, if you don’t use it, you lose it and that would be terrible. Trust me. Giddy up!

Hey there, hi there, ho there

1947734_10203488214591839_966628750_nI’m Tiny, the founder, curator, and main contributor to The V Word. I love writing, traveling, painting, and taking photos. I have a love/hate relationship with dating. In addition to this blog, I recently finished my first novel. I’m also developing an inspiring story of a woman regaining her health and stamina after life threatening surgery. I have appeared on multiple television shows, including Tyra, Martha, Wendy, Today, in film, magazines, and as a spokesperson for several well name beauty brands.

I have dated men from every walk of life – from meeting them on the crosstown bus to Internet dating to working with some of the top Matchmakers from Manhattan to L.A. but alas, I’m still single. After being out of commission for quite sometime I’m getting back out there. I have everything going for me but I have this one tricky problem…

Note: Writing a personal blog about your vagina, and vaginas in general, feels safer to be anonymous.  Perhaps as I reveal more of my vulnerabilities, and you share yours, I’ll be ready to open up a little more. Hiding behind a name makes me look ashamed. However, I am not. I have a family, friends, and employers. For now I hope you’re okay with me just being Tiny.

Disclaimer: The vie425122_4371603414080_2063355612_nws expressed in this blog are my own personal views. No part of this blog may be reproduced in any form, by photocopy, microform, digital database, retrieval system or any other means, without prior written permission of the author and the copyright holder. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is purely coincidental.