Finger Licking Good

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What is a deal breaker for you? This is what my neighbor and I were discussing over a bottle of wine there other night. I shared with her the details of a recent date at an upscale but casual French restaurant. My date was cute, had a good style about him, funny, smart, well-traveled and a Brit. He made me laugh more than I have in the entire month of January. Generallyshutterstock_26298190 speaking, I could see myself sleeping with this guy- a hot and heavy make out session at the very least. And then just  we were finishing up our meals, I looked over at his plate of quickly disappearing duck and I saw it. In a flash I saw the fingers from his left hand on his plate. They quickly pushed the bits and pieces from his Moroccan Tangine dinner onto his fork. The fork was held not the way it should be but low down on the handle half way between the tip of the tines and the top of the handle. You know, like a young child would hold a fork. I asked my friend how she felt about the fingers on the plate pushing the remnants of his meal on to his fork.

“Fingers on the plate? Nope. No way. Not acceptable.”

“What if you really liked him, he was hot and you thought the sex would be great?”

“Well then, he’d have to be a “stay in” guy not a guy you take out. You can’t take anyone out like that. Imagine if your family saw him eat like that?”

“He’s spent a lot of time in North Africa. Do you think that has anything to do with it?”holding-a-fork2

“He’s in America now. I’m guessing he knows the difference between eating in a hut or at a French restaurant.”

I had to agree with her.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I went on a date and the guy was licking his fingers?”

“No, which guy was it with?” I asked.

I think I told you about him, he had season tickets to the Clippers. We saw the game and went for a late dinner. And then he licked his fingers.”

“What did he have for dinner?”

“How the hell would I remember? He should have used his napkin!”images-2

“Well, I have to say if it were fried chicken or ribs I might have to let it slide.”

I didn’t tell my friend, but if I hear from the guy again. I think I’ll recommend going for Japanese on our next date. Perhaps he’s better with chopsticks…

 

I Have a Boyfriend 2

9878211724_3ccc592f66_mMore from Amy…

One day I was walking home from Target, when a man approached me on the street. I was struggling with a shelving unit I’d bought that was about the same size as me, when he offered to help me carry it. I turned him down for an entire block, because I didn’t want this to turn into a pick up line. But, by the time I got to the third cross walk, I knew I needed the assistance.

He helped me carry the shelf back to my building, and then left with a thank you. Awesome, right? Someone did an honest good deed, so where am I going with this story? Well, obviously, this isn’t the end of my tale.

I ran into him about a week later on the street in front of my building. He said “I’ve been thinking about you all week, and I was just wondering if I could have your number.”

I said “I’m sorry. I have a boyfriend, and I don’t think he’d appreciate you calling. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t give my number out to strangers. It’s disrespectful to my relationship.”

He said “So, we can’t even be friends? I think we could be friends.”

And I said “no, I’m sorry. I have had a lot of bad experiences with friends and I just don’t give out my number anymore. Thank you for your help the other day. But, I’m good.”

Now, at the time, I was texting a friend. So, my phone was right there in my hand. He proceeded to grab it and call himself, stating “here, now you can say you had no choice” as if that was somehow a good thing.

Before any of you act like this is some shocking thing that never happens, I want you to know that this has in fact happened to me multiple times. It sounds crazy if you’ve never seen it. But, I assure you, there are many men out there who think this move just shows “confidence” and isn’t creepy at all.

He texted me later that night. I didn’t answer. He called me later that night. I didn’t answer. He did the same thing the next day and, again, I did not answer.

Finally, on my birthday, I got a call from an unknown number. When I clicked the message, this is what I heard; “Bitch, I don’t know why you have my man’s number or why he’s over here blowing up your spot. But, I want you to know that he’s married. He has a child. And not only that, HE HAS AIDS. Did he tell you that? Did he tell you he gave it to me? Because he did. So, leave him alone before he gives you that dirty ass dick of his. Or if you already fucked him, then enjoy having HIV.”

I texted this strange new number and said “your husband took my phone and called himself. I have a boyfriend and have zero interest in being with him. Thanks for the info, I will continue to ignore his calls.”

Later that night, he called and left a crazy voicemail that said “my ex is just jealous. She’s stalking me. Maybe we could meet up for coffee sometime and talk this over? I’m free on Thursday if you want to go out.” Needless to say, I did not call him back.

😱😱😱😱😱 ‪#‎SAYWHAT‬ “You’re just another bitch”

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I met this guy at a bar. I will be honest, I don’t really remember what we talked about or why I gave him my number. But, apparently, I did because he started calling me everyday after that night out.

I was honestly too busy to answer the phone the first couple times. But, when he started sending me texts three times a day that said “hey, you alive? You can’t answer your phone? What? Are you that busy?” I decided it was probably best that I continue to ignore him.

After about a week of not returning his calls, he left me a voicemail that said “you know, I thought we had a real connection. But, obviously you’re just another whore trying to get a free drink. I hope bitches like you burn in hell for what you do to men. You aren’t even that cute. I’ve fucked cuter. You’re just another bitch.”

And this, ladies and gentleman, is why I never allow random men at the bar to buy me drinks anymore. 😐😐😐 ‪#‎ICanBuyMyOwn‬

So, anyway, I hope that sheds some light on why women don’t hand their number out like candy. ‪#‎TheMoreYouKnow‬