No Offense Patty

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Dear Osphena,

I’m a fun, fit, fabulous women in Menopause. I live in a big city and do active things. I don’t have a husband (I turned him in a decade ago) or one specific boyfriend. I’m on a dating website, I’m social, and I travel all the time. I like men and sex. I do not look like a lunch lady or an overweight suburban mom. I also don’t look like the over sexualized women in your former commercial. Those poor women trying their hardest to look sexy always reminded me of an aged-out brothel workers showing off their assets in the hopes of catching a client’s attention. I don’t know if that’s just my sick mind, your dumb ad, or exactly what you had in mind when you were sitting around a large conference table brainstorming how you could sell women more prescription pills. How embarrassing for these poor actresses who made those ads. I’m sure you paid them well but not well enough for those few moments of humiliation.

Equally as awful is your new spokesperson, Patty, and her sad little life. Actually, the Patty commercial is even more offensive for a few reasons. You should know that most of us don’t want to envision Patty and her husband in bed in that ugly suburban cape in a bed far too small for the two large bodies (yes, I have decided Patty’s husband is also very overweight because he hasn’t been having sex with Patty he’s been frustrated and drinking Pabst by the six pack and eating processed food including hot dogs, Wonder Bread and Cheese Whiz).

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And if I’m mistaken and Patty’s husband isn’t overweight (or addicted to crap) he’s probably been hanging out getting lap dances in the local strip club. I’ve got news for you, in either case, he’s most likely not interested in Patty and hasn’t been in a long, long time. There are going to be a lot of lonely women with hopes of rekindling a romance that burned out long ago because of your commercial. I think Heidi Fleiss needs to get her ass in gear and open that Stud Farm she’s been promising to in Vegas. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m judgmental (I am) I just feels like you’re setting up a lot of women for a huge disappointment.

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I will say I’m glad you got the conversation started but I’m not happy how Osphena is presenting women. Please stop talking to the men at the ad agency you’re working with or the tween branding team that knows nothing about menopause or grown up women. It’s insulting to viewers to think the average American woman is a morbidly obese and white. Although I am white on the outside, many of us are not Patty.

file_104293_0_100721-woman-yogaAnd to your star:

Dear Patty,

I’m sure you’re a lovely woman. I hope you have a husband who cherishes you and still wants to get it on with you, with or without Osphena. This is just not a conversation I want to have with you. I want to see a woman more like me representing the brand.

Love,
Tiny

P.S. #NoOffensePatty

Menopause. Let’s Start the Conversation…

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I went to a new gynecologist today. I’ve traded in my senior citizen, Harvard trained Dr. Jew (I am not being disrespectful this is his name and no, he’s not Jewish) for a 30ish female this time. I told her why I was there from the get go. Who has time to waste? Since no one seems to be talking, let me share the deal and hopefully help you get a conversation started with your doctor. I shared with her my story of a Booty call gone awry. (See my previous post http://worldssmallestvagina.com/2015/05/07/dinner-and-a-booty/)

The conversation went pretty much like this:

“Any questions or concerns?”

“I had, or rather attempted, to have intercourse and the guy said, “it feels like there’s a bone in there.”

I told her about the pain, the dryness, my shrinking vagina and all about the disastrous booty call with my old flame. I had no shame. I was there to be helped.She was a good audience and laughed along with me (even though the story is pathetic and sad) and she considered what would be the best bet for me and my vag. (pronounced Vadge –rhymes with Madge)

“Oh, I’m sorry. What have you tried so far?”

I told her about my former doctor and his recommendation to get a dildo. (See link here. http://worldssmallestvagina.com/2015/10/22/the-d-word/ )
“I’m thinking an estrogen cream will help. The creams, versus the pills, have a very low estrogen level. It’s not the same as HRT or the patch. The cream works locally on the vaginal tissue. They have such low systemic absorption that even woman with cancer can use estrogen creams after their treatments. A lot of the atrophy you’re experiencing is really from the decreased levels of estrogen. What you’re really experiencing is loss of the elasticity. The cream will treat the actual problem. Then you can try the dildo and the lubes and all of that. None of them are helping the actual issue. The estrogen cream will change the tissue so the dildo and the lube will actually help.”

I left with a script for a mammogram (although I read only today the American Medical Association has now changed recommendations and another for PREMARIN http://www.premarinvaginalcream.com. I thought my new doctor would have recommended Osphena since Patty is all over TV describing it’s miraculous benefits.

images-1Apparently, my situation and many other women…. It should be working really well in three months. So by New Years Eve or there after I should be ready to get back on the horse. That gives me a hard deadline, but one I can work with, to find an appropriate mate. I’ll be sure to tell you how the cream is working out as well as my search for a man. Stay tuned!logo