The D Word

images-1I went to the gynecologist soon after my failed attempt at re-popping my cherry.

“Since you’re not big on medication I’d say the way to go is lubrication (here we go again) and get yourself a dildo.”

I stood there in the ritzy office with my Harvard educated gynecologist and he just said the “D” word. I nearly died.

“Is that really the only option? Isn’t there something else? Physical therapy? Acupuncture? A specialist you could refer me to?”

“That’s really it, unless you want to try medication.”

I shook my head no.

“So a dildo it is.”

I nodded with a tiny, awkward smile about the size of my shrinking (yes, they really do shrink) vagina.

I walked home with my head down. I had to do this. I had to stretch things out and get back in the game. Sex was always an important part of my life. If I didn’t do anything now it would only get harder or worse, I might never be able to have sex ever again if my vagina continued to shrink and atrophy. What a horrible thought!

I went straight to my laptop and did a Google search. I have to tell you as I sat there researching I felt sick to my stomach. I was upset with myself for letting this happen. Who hasn’t heard the phrase, if you don’t use it you lose it. I never thought it would happen to me! I was angry with my body for letting me down. It also made me realize that I was alone. Single. Unattached. I would have to handle this on my own. I wondered if I had a husband, a boyfriend, or a lover would they be willing to help me sort out the mess I was in. Why wasn’t I in a relationship? My thought ran wildly in the wrong direction. Focus. Let’s figure this out!

I typed in dildos for menopausal woman and hit the return key and there it was, “sex toys for the menopausal woman”.  http://www.bloomenjoyyourself.com/sex101/sex-toys-for-menopausal-women-starter-guide

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I cringed. I normally like shopping. Even online shopping… this wasn’t fun! I read the text:

“If you are post-menopausal, approaching menopause, or just over 50, you have come to the right place. Our sexologists have outlined a few tips to keep in mind when you are picking out sex toys after 50. Your body is changing (or has changed) in a way that is different from when you were 20 and that can influence your choice of toys.

1. Start with Lubricant

After 50 our bodies starts producing a little less moisture than before, and that includes our vaginas and vulva.  Lubrication makes everything that much more supple and pleasurable.

2. Use Supple Toys

Find toys that bend with you.  Aging tissues tends to become thinner and less elastic.  This change can be challenging, especially when a slight bump that used to go unnoticed or may even have been arousing before menopause, might now cause a jolt of pain or discomfort.  Toys made with silicone are an excellent choice as they are both body safe (no phthalates) and pliable.  And yet they are firm enough to give the toy structure without being too hard.  Make sure to choose toys with smooth edges.

3. Use a Dildo (at least now and then):

The vagina needs a work out too — being massaged, squeezed and contracted.  This stimulation will keep vaginal walls active and will ward against thinning and drying by bringing rich and nourishing blood flow to feed the tissue. If you are not having intercourse with a partner, a dildo is an ideal option. Or if your partner’s erection is not always there, a dildo is an idea choice.

4. Strong Vibrations:

As tissue wanes and blood flow decreases, so can our ability to feel sensation as we did before menopause. We may need more stimulation to get the same nerve endings to fire.  Vibrators ramp up the sensation, increasing the intensity of stimulation needed to achieve orgasm without tiring a hand (or tongue).keep-calm-and-buy-sex-toys-6

Keep in mind menopause is a time of change, which means what you are experiencing now may change again tomorrow or next year.  Adopt an attitude of “go with the flow.”

What a friendly and informative site! I felt way better than I did when I left my doctor’s office. I was not a freak. And I was not alone after all. So I did it! I ordered a lubricant and a dildo. I’ve got this. Update to follow. Soon?

 

 

Dating Etiquette – Full Disclosure or Not?

 

Now that I’m feeling better I’m thinking about dating again. Truth be told, I go out a lot. I just don’t consider a coffee/drink or even dinner “dating”. I think of it as a “meeting”. I think of dating as two people who are interested in each other and are seeing each other on a regular basis with the goal being a sexual relationship. That’s just my take.

I’ve been thinking more about the sexual relationship part lately. Sure, I want to like the guy. I want to be attracted to them and all that but maybe I shouldn’t be SO picky. Maybe I could have another glass of wine and just go back to their place. Let’s say I do, do I need to explain my situation? (In case you haven’t been reading my other blog posts I’m referring to an out of practice, tight, possibly rusty, and tiny, menopausal vagina) How do I explain my predicament? Do I have to or do I just act like everything is normal and I’ve never had an issue before? And then I just spring it on them when the underpants come off. Just like nearly all of the men I have dated with sexual issues and limitations. Take for instance the ones with Erectile Dysfunction. They know they have a problem but they don’t say a word. When it’s show time the curtain never goes up. It becomes an Olympian feat to try to get a rise out of these poor men. It behooves me why they just don’t pop a Viagra.

Or what about the men with Premature Ejaculation (I refer to them fondly as “Minute Men”). With a Minute Man the show is over before you take a seat. And then there’s a somewhat (but not as small as you might think) group of guys out there with the dreaded micro penis. They too never drop you a hint either. They never indicate that there’s anything is wrong. And when the boxers come off it’s like an Easter Egg hunt — in the dark.  And you can’t find the golden egg. (Yes, that really happened to me and it was very confusing. And upsetting. Especially when I did find the little nub, it was so small it resembled a cross between a doorbell and an acorn more than a penis). I don’t want to be those guys.

Perhaps I should be more like the man I had a second date with a few years back. He was a seemingly lovely man, attractive, successful, and age appropriate. Between our first and second course at a lovely romantic restaurant he shared with me his struggle with prostate cancer. Naturally, I was very understanding and sympathetic. I even held his hand (and I’m not a hand holder) because I thought we were really connecting. He shared a lot,

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“After surgery you can’t have sex for six months. No masturbation. Nothing. When the doctor said I could finally make love to my wife I was so happy. When we tried nothing happened. I went back to the doctor and got a prescription for Viagra. Nothing. Cialis. Nothing. I made another appointment. The doctor said, Don’t worry. I’ll give you a shot. You’ll be fine.” When he came back with the needle I rolled up my sleeve. The doctor asked, “What are you doing?” I said getting ready for the shot. And he said, “No, not there. Take down your pants AND shorts.”

Apparently the doctor proceeded to inject his penis. He drove home as fast as he could and had an erection that lasted over four hours. To this day he has to carry a syringe with him on dates, “just in case”. He has learned how to inject himself. That’s what he has to do each and every time he wants to have sex. Can you imagine having sex for four hours? I actually thought about it that night when he dropped me off. I thought I could get started with him, leave and go shopping for a few hours and get back just in time for the finale. Then I realized there would never been any finale for this poor guy. He wasn’t able to ejaculate. As nice as he was, there was never a third date.

Medical-syringe

Which brings me back to, do I need to say anything? Or do I just go with the flow when it finally does happen?  Maybe it would be a good surprise. What man wouldn’t want to think they had a schlong so big it wouldn’t fit in a grown woman’s vagina? I could be every man’s ego boost…

Straight, Gay, Bi, Trans, what would you do?

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You Can’t Touch That

http://victorspinelli.com

Victor Spinelli

I don’t like anyone touching my ass. I just don’t. Why is that so hard to comprehend? I have many other soft and lovely areas you can touch. I read a Cosmo article years ago that said something to the effect that when a man touches a certain part of your body he’s trying to tell you that he wants to be touched there. Don’t play that game with me! Just fucking tell me when we get started, or put my hand on your ass. You could let out a moan just to be sure I get the message. Better yet, send me a text the night before. Please just leave my ass out of the equation or I may start singing MC Hammer’s, You Can’t Touch That which I promise will kill the mood.

My disgust of anyone touching the interiors of my ass, ie. my rectum, may have begun decades ago, when I was still a naive teenager, I had a gastroenterologist who gave me my first rectal exam. The pain was excrutiating. As he shoved his finger in me like a hand puppet I could feel him press against my body. There was something hard in his pocket. I tried to imagine what it was, a flashlight, a roll of quarters, a screw driver. It took me years of him doing this before I realized what he was up to – I did say I was naive. I was also a late bloomer. Perhaps this is the reason I’m sickened when anyone comes near my ass. It makes me think of Doctor Allen. To this day, I especially can’t stand it when my current doctor will say, “We should do a rectal.” I respond with my standard response, “Nope not interested. I don’t do that.” Of course she always respond,“Well, you know we should at your age.“ At my last annual exam I had to go through the same discussion yet again and this doctor knows me well. I finally said, “Please write on my file, DO NOT ask if patient wants a rectal exam – patient will refuse. I’ll even sign it if you want.”

Doctor, boyfriend, lover, husband, I just didn’t want anyone up my ass. All kinds of things happen in that vicinity and trust me none of them are pretty. Just ask comedian Amy Schumer of Milk, Milk, Lemonade fame or better yet play her video. Lyrics below:

Milk, milk, lemonade, Milk, milk, lemonade, Milk, milk, lemonade, 

‘Round the corner, fudge is made, I used to think that my tits was where it’s at, Used to be concerned that my booty was too fat, But now I know the truth and that worry has been shot, Big booty’s what they want and big booty’s what I got, Tits are old news if you know what I mean, All the guys love my fudge machine, Look me in the eye, Get your face in, don’t be shy, You say you don’t like asses, Cause I fart and break your glasses, 

Turd cutter, Loaf pitcher, Dookie maker, Fudge machine, Cheaptastic, Booty mastiff, Giant tuchus, Fudge machine, All my booty empire, the sun never set, Take a shot, yeah, nothin’ but net, images-5

Milk, milk, lemonade, ‘Round the corner, fudge is made,I’m gonna make you scream and shout, For the part of my body where poo comes out, 

This is where my poo comes out, This is where my poo comes out, This is where my poo comes out, This is where my poo comes out.

Talkin’ ’bout my fudge machine, Talkin’ ’bout my fudge machine, Talkin’ ’bout my fudge machine, Talkin’ ’bout my fudge machine,

Voice over by Method Man: That’s right, ladies, Ain’t nothing better than a big, beautiful sexy booty. But bottom line, no matter how fond a behind, You better call that onion what it really is, That’s just a fudge machine, Turn up.

This is where her poo comes out, This is where your poo comes out, This is where their poo comes out, This is where our poo comes out

This is what you think is hot, This is what you think is hot, This is what you think is hot, Talkin bout my fudge machine

Voice over by Method Man: It’s where your poo comes out

I nearly peed out of my lemonade machine when I heard this. When will pop culture’s obsession with the derrière quit? Not soon enough for me AND I have a nice ass.

Enter Amy Schumer with “Milk, Milk, Lemonade,” an LOL-worthy parody of all those butt-loving songs as a promo for the third season of “Inside Amy Schumer.” 

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Toni Braxton Needs to Use Her Vagina More

The View large-1

I don’t watch The View much anymore but I did today.  Toni Braxton, the “Queen of R&B” singer-songwriter, pianist, musician, record producer, actress and television personality was on as one of the many revolving guest co-hosts of late.

I was pretty bored until Raven brought up a recent study that claims having sex does NOT make you happier. Raven said she rarely has sex but when she does it’s fantastic, the dim blond Republican, who I think looks like she should be named Ashley or Brittany, was confused that you use muscles to have sex, while Rosie Perez was pretty quiet. Suddenly, Toni Braxton, preacher’s daughter and star of Braxton Family Values, blurts out, “I’m not having enough sex. My OB/GYN said you need to use your vagina more. It’s been like two years.” Rosie, still silent began to blush.Unknown

What is going on with so many beautiful, smart, fit, and lively woman that they’re not having sex? (I share the struggle so I know it’s real) I’m not so sure (although I have a few clues) but I’m happy we’re at least discussing sex and vaginas and why we’re not having enough sex. Sounds like Toni and I have the same problem!

Study from Down Under About Down There

 

girl-smoking-marijuana-weedWhat fun to wake up and find another news article about vaginas! This one is about a dry vagina and they sure as hell aren’t talking menopause. Do you smoke pot? If you’ve been having issues in the dryness department maybe that’s why. See below. Down below. As in my post NOT your vajayjay!

 

If you’re a lady and you smoke weed, you’re going to want to read this.

According to reports, your mouth isn’t the only thing drying out after lighting up: Smoking weed may actually dry out your vagina, too.

So much for stoner sex.

Scientists first noticed the link between marijuana usage and poor vaginal lubrication after surveying 8,650 Austrailian people in 2009.

While it’s discussed openly online, there aren’t many studies on the phenomenon — most likely because weed is still categorized as a Schedule I drug.

Dr. Julie Holland, author of “Moody Bitches: The Truth About The Drugs You’re Taking, The Sleep You’re Missing, The Sex You’re Not Having, and What’s Really Making You Crazy,” is one of the few to spend a significant amount of time researching marijuana’s effects on sexual health.

She recently sat down with VICE to discuss exactly why “cotton vagina,” as Urban Dictionary calls it, happens and, more importantly, how to avoid it.

Holland explains vaginal dryness is a side effect, “exactly like dry mouth… It’s the drying of the mucus membranes.”

She continues,

If you have had a strain that is giving you dry mouth, it will also make you more dry [down there].

She hypothesizes strains higher in THC will have more of a drying effect than strains higher in CBD. But she adds that external forces (such as birth control, which notoriously dries out the vagina) can exacerbate the problem.

However, she notes,

It’s variable, and it’s personal. Each person responds differently to pot and each strain acts differently.

Females who light up can try coconut oil as lube, which Holland says is “excellent,” but mostly, she suggests, “experiment[ing] a bit to find what works for you.”

That could mean smoking only one type of weed before sex, or not smoking at all — it varies for everybody.

Check out her entire interview here.

Weed

Dinner and a Booty

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Photo credit: R. Umar Abbasi, NYC

“You need a good lubricant and you’ll be fine,” said my internist, dismissing both my issue and me. I prayed he was right.

Wanting to see if he was, I invited at old “friend” over to hang out for dinner and a movie. Well, that’s what I told him. Meanwhile I had a slightly different plan. Wanting to appear as appealing as possible, I pulled out all the plugs – I waxed, put on some make up, and had a mani-pedi. I even dug through my lingerie drawer and put on a little Calvin Klein number. Simple but with quite a bit of sex appeal. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard even thought I was. After dinner and some TV I practically covered myself in lubricant when we got down to things.

“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. Or maybe myself. It feels like there’s a bone in there.”

“No, no, no, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“You need to relax.” I took another swig of my Mojito. (Yes, I even made Mojitos.)

“Okay. Ready.” He tried again while I turned my face from him and gritted my teeth. I wished I smoked pot.

“I think I’m the wrong guy for this. I’m not into the rape fantasy.”

“Let’s keep trying. You’re a doctor. Don’t you have any tricks up your sleeve?”

“I’m a dentist.” Then there was a pause. “And I don’t carry my drill around.”

“Next time I’ll take a pain killer so I’m out of it,” I suggested.

“Hey, who do you think I  am, Bill Cosby? I want to make love to you when you’re conscious.”

I guess I should have been happy with the compliment but me hopes of popping my cherry, for the second time in my life, were quickly being smashed to smithereens.

“Listen, I’m happy with two out of three things. You put out a great spread and I watched some good TV. I don’t need to have sex every time I see you. Let’s just go to sleep.”

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Photo credit: R. Umar Abbasi, NYC

 

Thanks for stopping by

KgMRJWhether you’re a guy or a girl, young or old, came for a laugh, a cry, a little inspiration, or some education on what you have to look forward, you’re welcome just the same.

You’re probably asking yourself, why in god’s name is this blog called The V Word . I’m glad you asked…

So I was away on vacation, on a beautiful little, and very remote island, when I wound up in emergency surgery. Two days later I was on my deathbed as my body started to break down. I lost 20 pounds (much of this included my breasts and my ass) and then my hair began to fall out along with an assortment of other horrific things. Just about everything that I thought made me a woman was being taken away from me piece by piece as I withered in pain. It felt like a cruel joke. I didn’t realize that even more was about to be stripped from me. We’ll get to that in just a minute…

I’ve pretty much been in bed or resting since then; getting well, gaining back the weight, and celebrating as my hair grows in. What I haven’t been doing is getting it on. Truth be told, I wasn’t getting it on even before this happened! Bad break up with boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. At this point I feel like my vagina has closed up shop. It’s teeny tiny and tight like a steel trap. I don’t think I could get a ballpoint pen in there if I tried. Well, maybe a ball point. Or a Sharpie. But definitely not a Super tampon. Add Menopause to the mix and my nether region is a natural disaster with the climate of the Sahara desert.

Please join me as I chronicle my adventures and figure out this sad, little situation. Please cheer me along as I investigate options to keeping everything down below fit and fabulous. I’ll talk with nutritionists, doctors, sex therapists, natural practitioners, along with some other fun and interesting folks. Please send me some feedback or advice as I re-enter the dating world. I want to hear what you have to say! I’m open to all of it. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter – see below – where we can continue the conversation or start new ones.

I hope by sharing my story I will encourage other women to keep on using their vaginas or to get back on the horse along with me. Remember, if you don’t use it, you lose it and that would be terrible. Trust me. Giddy up!

Hey there, hi there, ho there

1947734_10203488214591839_966628750_nI’m Tiny, the founder, curator, and main contributor to The V Word. I love writing, traveling, painting, and taking photos. I have a love/hate relationship with dating. In addition to this blog, I recently finished my first novel. I’m also developing an inspiring story of a woman regaining her health and stamina after life threatening surgery. I have appeared on multiple television shows, including Tyra, Martha, Wendy, Today, in film, magazines, and as a spokesperson for several well name beauty brands.

I have dated men from every walk of life – from meeting them on the crosstown bus to Internet dating to working with some of the top Matchmakers from Manhattan to L.A. but alas, I’m still single. After being out of commission for quite sometime I’m getting back out there. I have everything going for me but I have this one tricky problem…

Note: Writing a personal blog about your vagina, and vaginas in general, feels safer to be anonymous.  Perhaps as I reveal more of my vulnerabilities, and you share yours, I’ll be ready to open up a little more. Hiding behind a name makes me look ashamed. However, I am not. I have a family, friends, and employers. For now I hope you’re okay with me just being Tiny.

Disclaimer: The vie425122_4371603414080_2063355612_nws expressed in this blog are my own personal views. No part of this blog may be reproduced in any form, by photocopy, microform, digital database, retrieval system or any other means, without prior written permission of the author and the copyright holder. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is purely coincidental.